Category Archives: Life

Lesson in Love

I got my last relaxer in January of 2013. I remember thinking that I wouldn’t last without relaxers because my hair’s too thick and the extent of my hairdressing skills ended at flat ironing. I couldn’t handle a big chop-I love my hair and couldn’t imagine life without it so for over a year I kept my hair in braids as much as possible.

In May of 2014, I got the remaining relaxed hair cut off and saw my ‘fro for the first time. There are pictures of me as a child with this huge, thick ‘fro, but I don’t remember that. However, I do remember looking in the mirror on May 13th after the trim and thinking “Oh shit, what am I gonna do with this?!” Funny. The hairdresser looked me dead in my face and said “Oh, hell no. I’m going to braid this up a little because you’re gonna get out of my chair and go somewhere messing in your hair. No.” Clearly, we were on the same wave. She was right. I had no idea what I was doing with my hair but I quickly learned that I had to show my love for my hair. I had to take my time and really try. I developed a whole new love for my hair but most importantly, I developed a new love for myself and others.

I LOVE crowns. My ‘fro is my crown. God blessed me with the most beautiful crown that I’ve ever seen. I look in the mirror on bad days and I shake my hair until I laugh. When I’m washing it, I take my time and put my full attention and effort into getting my crown clean. I rub my scalp with coconut oil. I brush it out until it’s full and huge like a lion’s mane. I smile. I’ve learned to truly love my hair (on dry, scraggly days as well as beautiful lion’s mane days) which taught me to love myself. I take the time to put my full attention and effort into myself.

Here’s what happened:

The lessons that I learned when I was learning to love my hair taught me to love and appreciate others. You’re probably thinking, “How did being self-absorbed teach you to appreciate others?”I feel you. Hear me out, though.

To me, one of the most important facets of self-love is accepting your own imperfections and missteps. The moment you acknowledge your imperfections are a necessary evil that you shouldn’t dwell upon but learn from, is the moment you truly open the door for self-love. When you acknowledge that, you see others differently. Things that used to be unattractive or irritating become vehicles to a deeper understanding. The frustration you used to feel dissipates as you remember that people have bad days, make mistakes, and travel their own paths through a journey that you’ll never experience. They deserve love and compassion-the same love and compassion that we all want as we stumble through life and the challenges that come with it. Love yourself-truly and purely.


Photo Credit: Beautaplin IG


It’s Just You

Instagram. Facebook. Twitter. Snapchat.
We log onto social media and see other people’s lives. We follow celebrities and people we don’t know and get caught up in what their lives look like. Society tells us how we should dress or live so unconsciously, we live lives of comparison. “I want that body”, “I need to make that much money so that I can buy that car”, “I need my significant other to look like that, say those things, buy me these things to show me love”, etc. Let’s take a second to think about it, though.

Before you post on Facebook, you think (you should, anyway). You carefully curate that 140 character tweet. You slap a filter on that Instagram photo or you crop it and make sure the caption is perfect! And the snaps! Oh, the snaps MUST BE LIT! You’re painting a picture and dammit, it better be a masterpiece!

Meanwhile, life’s not perfect. The imperfection of life is what makes it a masterpiece.
Though I’ve always been too lazy to try and emulate the lives of others  I did compare myself to people that I don’t even know. Recently, I realized something SO important!

I turned my focus to ME. I decided to be the best me possible for myself and those around me. I do everything with a purpose. I practice yoga because it challenges me physically which then challenges me mentally. I stay positive (realistic, but positive) because I believe that the energy you release is the energy that you will receive. I’m eating better because I hate being addicted to food and junk. I slip and eat snack cakes and fried foods, but I’m working on consistently eating well. I place an emphasis on learning everything I can about myself because I don’t believe that I can be the best me if I don’t know who I am. All that.

I’m surrounded by supportive, honest individuals but we all encounter plenty of people who won’t believe in us. Here’s what I’ve found:

It’s just you.

When you come into this world, it’s just you. Of course, you’re birthed by your mother and for that she should forever be loved, but it’s just you. When you leave this world, it’s just you. That being said, why get caught up in what people say? Those people who put you down probably can’t fathom what you’re trying to accomplish. They can’t imagine going against society or stepping away from generational and cultural norms. It takes a different type of person to TRULY be different, to truly be themselves. Be you, just you. You’re more than enough. You’re amazing and your path to being the greatest version of you will lead you straight to happiness. That’s what’s important. Not likes, followers, and shares, but you and your happiness. Be you.