Category Archives: Poetry

If Words Were a Hug

I would be lying if I said that this is how I expected my life to be. I’m grateful, but truthfully, most days I’m frustrated with myself. I can be so hard on myself, as if I could see the future when I was making decisions. I’m further along than many, but I’m far behind where I want to be. I’m in an endless cycle of burnout and exhaustion on this “journey” to figure out what actually matters to me. Healing isn’t always pretty. It’s not just hot baths, flights and flowers; some nights, it’s crying in the mirror and saying all the things that you want to hear from someone else, until you feel safe and loved. This is the result of one of those nights.

“
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.”
I’m sitting in front of the mirror. The room is illuminated by the dancing flicker of the flame from my chakra candles.
Green for my heart. Orange for my Sacral.
Nobody exists but me.
Nobody is coming to “save me”.
Tears fall, but I keep talking because I need to hear it to feel it.
“
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for the times you didn’t listen to your intuition.
I forgive you for putting the pleasure, joy, and well being of others ahead of your own.
I believe in you.
Today. Tomorrow. Every day.
Clear the noise and know that I am proud of you.”

As a smile spreads freely across my face and the salt of my tears touches my taste buds, I am reminded that all is well.

Let this be a reminder to you:
All is well. Though you may not feel it now, you are whole. You are loved. You are valued. Every day.

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I AIN’T RUNNING FROM NOTHIN’

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m not running. I’m standing with my face to the sun. On days when the sun doesn’t shine, I stand toe to toe with my fears. I question my attachments because what got me here won’t get me where I want to go.

Laying on the beach. Solo. The wind’s blowing wild, the birds are singing and the waves are crushing my insecurities. My toe’s fucked up, but the X-ray said it’s not broken so I sip my nasty beer and eat my delicious ham sammich. I wiggle my toes a little bit to make sure this moment of solitude and serenity is real. The twinge of pain that shoots up my foot confirms, shit’s real.

The sandwich is done. I’m in a bikini that fits better now than it did in 2013 when I bought it, but I still have belly to rub. I’m rubbin my belly, fantasizing about the life I’m creating and tossing around the revelation that I’m not running from anything. Instead, I took a beach day for myself because it’s what I wanted. I made it a solo day because I only wanted to be with me. Not because life is too heavy or because I’m scared to face reality, but because I wanted to enjoy a moment with my star player.

Smiling at the water. Salt on my lips.

I’m flowing to my purpose. I’m in alignment. I’m divinely positioned and it’s all making sense now. It’s me, myself and I against any issues and it’s not aggression, but a search for understanding that shapes my perception. Watermelon juice dripping off my chin. Ice cold Capri Sun quenching my thirst. Rubbing my fat ass belly on the beach.

I’m divinely positioned and I’m feeling just fine.

Moment of Silence

Moment of silence for the loves lost

at the hands of a woman

the hands of a man

who took it upon themselves to play God.

After the year and some change

of virus related loss,

pain and anguish ripping through families

leaving whole cities, states, countries and continents

frozen in fear, burdened and oppressed by sorrow

you have the audacity to take a knee on a neck

“mistake” your gun for a taser, even after

much training, even after releasing the safety

even after raising to aim and pulling the trigger

Don’t insult my intellect.

you have the nerve to murder at a traffic stop

pepper spray a uniformed soldier

assault your neighbor because you

can’t possibly believe that this black beautiful being

shares the same space and air as you.

The audacity. The gall. The fuckin nerve of you.

Moment of silence for the loves lost.

Moment of gratitude for the lives spared.

Peace, love and healing to those suffering from the trauma inflicted on us as loved ones, bystanders and witnesses.

Moment of silence because I’m tired of talking when I’m enraged and disgusted

because it’s a broken system and “reform” and “repair” aren’t enough for these discussions

since these systems are doing what they were created to do

and that was never to provide liberty and justice for all

when the men writing it saw my people as

property, savages, and less than a man.

Moment of silence because

folks are getting tired of this shit

and things go from talking to violence.

Thus,

I’ll observe this moment of silence.

Rise.

I am safe.

I am protected.

I am loving.

I am loved.

I create peace. 

I speak sunrays.

I smile gratitude.

I rise with affirmations and gratitude. On those mornings when my anxiety’s attempting to Geppetto me into doing nothing or screaming statistics in my ear, I quiet the noise with gratitude. When I feel like I have nothing, I wiggle my toes and fingers, rub my hands together, blink and smile. That’s how I remind myself that if I don’t do anything more in the day, I’ve already won because I’ve defeated the voices that told me not to rise.

I encourage you to rise. Fuck those voices. 

Breath in your body means you’ve got a reason to live.

You’re a gift. 

Your existence is important, even if you don’t feel like it in the moment,

Rise.

All is Well Tee

If I May

May I detach from that that does not serve me.

May I detach from he who does not serve me.

May I be bold in my endeavors and smile as I rise with bloody lips, palms and knees when I fall.

May I spit blood in the face of all the bullshit sent to break me.

                Let the blood be the revelation that I bend, buckle, and shatter only to come back better like Kintsugi.

May I leave my mark.

May my words, spoken or written, leave an imprint like that of colliding tectonic plates.

                May they shake your world.

May love continue to spill from my eyes into the heart of every man, woman and child I experience.

May I continue to push against my fears to breakthrough and reach you.

May I continue to be great, authentically.

Self Care Everyday Tee