Tag Archives: patience

I Wrote This For You

One time for the anxious.

The amazing people who get so hyped that they run and hide from their greatness.

The brilliant mind. Imprisoned by the troubled soul.

A condescending warden of a brain who proclaimed that the genius had to settle for average.

Mundane.

Don’t stand out.

Maintain.

I wrote this for you. Just for you.

My pen moves in sync with your racing heart. Erratic, quite manic, slightly breathless.

For you I breathe.

For you I share my pen’s sweet release in hopes that my vulnerability will remove the invisible shackles from your feet that keep you from your greatness or the hand from your throat that suffocates you and takes your ability to speak.

These words I write are intended to touch your soul.

You are great

Brilliant

Genius, in fact.

Take the step. Leap of faith.

Share your art. Share your heart.

Watch it break in the hands of few, feel it thrive and swell in the minds of many.

You are gifted, needed, necessary

And when the anxiety gets heavy

And your heart aches from fear,

Remember, you are exactly what’s been prayed for. The greatness you fear is what you’re made for and when you want to run, lean in-your breakthrough won’t break you.

If no one is there, I’m here.

Remember, I wrote this for you.

Be the Light

It’s been a while since my last post so let me start by apologizing for my procrastination and general fear of sharing, but I also want to thank my loyal readers (all ten of y’all) and first time readers for reading. 

Now that that’s squared away. Hey y’all!

I created this blog for many reasons, two of them being to uplift people and let them know that they are not alone. In the last few months, I lost sight of that.  I wanted everything to be perfect and of course, nothing was perfect meaning nothing was published. I also felt that what I was writing wasn’t worth sharing. I’ve been writing, Lord knows I’ve been writing. Notebooks, napkins, the “Notes” app in my iPhone, my bathroom mirror. There are plenty of words, but do they matter? Does my blog actually help anyone? More than that, do I make a difference? A conversation with my favorite person made me remember why I must keep writing and sharing this journey.

We were sitting in her living room and she said something along the lines of “I just feel like my life has no purpose. What’s the point?” Loving her as much as I do, hearing those words made my heart hurt. How could she be as beautifully made as she is, and be blind to her own perfection? Does she not realize how important she is? Have I made her feel unappreciated? My mind was flooding with questions, but none of them came out. Before I could think of a reassuring response, I heard myself say:

“Maybe you’re not here for you right now.Just think of what our lives would be without you”

I wasn’t speaking only of myself, but also my sister, boyfriend, cousins, and everyone else whose life she plays a pivotal role in. I call her every day after work even though I’ve texted her throughout the day. She’s undeniably my best friend, but she’s a friend, mother, and counselor to so many others and I knew one day she would realize that.

A few days later, we were in her living room and she said, “You know, you were right about what you said the other day.” She helped someone with an issue they were working through and they expressed their gratitude and appreciation for her.

That conversation was just as eye opening for me as it was for her. I found that the purpose of a moment in life isn’t always spelled out. There will be times in life when it seems like nothing is going on or you aren’t accomplishing anything but those moments are so important. Share your love, wisdom and knowledge and be open to receive the same from others. Smile when you don’t feel like it. Be kind to others and yourself. In those moments when you’re feeling useless, push through and continue to be the light for others because it’s in that same light that you will find yourself.

 

“Even if you are a small forest surviving off of moon alone, your light is extraordinary.”
― Nayyirah Waheed

 

Be Hungry

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” “What’s your five-year plan?” “What is your ideal career?”

*Insert blankest of all blank stares here*

I remember when those questions used to excite me. I could easily answer with “I’ll be in college” or “I’ll be graduating from college and moving out of Alabama to work for a large corporation”, but now those same questions result in anxiety and a slight panic. Five years?! I’m still in Alabama, that Financial Analyst career still hasn’t started, and I no longer feel like a large corporation is a must (it’d be nice, though).  It’s easy to get caught up in the fact that I’m not exactly where I want or expect to be. Yes, I graduated and have started a career in my field. Yes, I have time to dedicate to myself that I may not have had if I went straight from college to a more demanding, large corporation. I’m still not where I expected to be.

I know I’m not the only one in this position. I’m not the only one who wakes up most mornings and gets distracted by the difference between what’s real and what was expected. I’m not the only one who feels the need to push harder and be better. That hunger can be so intense and consuming that we forget how far we’ve come and what we’ve accomplished. We are in the same boat. A bunch of hardworking people who’ve accomplished so much but because we aren’t exactly where we want to be, we live in a constant struggle between what is and what “should be”. We are all hoping and praying we reach our idea of success, happiness, and/or greatness without getting lost along the way.

I got lost. I lost focus of where I was trying to go and I was still waking up feeling the overwhelming disconnect between where I was and where I wanted to be.  Instead of pushing forward, I stopped trying. I knew that I didn’t want to settle with where I was in life, but I also didn’t want to try anymore because I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. Then I had a conversation with my mentor. We were speaking about my career goals when he basically said “You’re still young. You can definitely reach your goals; you just have to keep trying to find a way in.” Mind. Blown.

Seriously, my mind was blown. It may not seem like he said much, but he said exactly what I needed at the time. I’m 23. I turn 24 this year. 24 is a year away from 25 which is five years away from 30 which is too close to 40 and if I’m going to have my yacht by 35, I’ve got to get on it! Our conversation made me realize that while my thinking in fast forward works sometimes, I never actually considered that I have time!

For those in the boat with me, consider this: that hunger that drives you forward can also distract you. Take a moment to look back at what you’ve accomplished. Not just the big accomplishments but the small victories-you graduated, lost two pounds, skipped the snack cake and had carrots instead, wrote a poem, got positive feedback on your craft, etc. Every time you slip or get overwhelmed take the time to remember the accomplishments you reached on the way to your ultimate achievement. The journey is just as important as the achievement so be patient with yourself. Don’t let your hunger make you neglect the present because if you sabotage yourself with negativity and fear now, you don’t get the luxury of achieving your greatest dreams. Keep calm and stay focused.

 

Lesson in Love

I got my last relaxer in January of 2013. I remember thinking that I wouldn’t last without relaxers because my hair’s too thick and the extent of my hairdressing skills ended at flat ironing. I couldn’t handle a big chop-I love my hair and couldn’t imagine life without it so for over a year I kept my hair in braids as much as possible.

In May of 2014, I got the remaining relaxed hair cut off and saw my ‘fro for the first time. There are pictures of me as a child with this huge, thick ‘fro, but I don’t remember that. However, I do remember looking in the mirror on May 13th after the trim and thinking “Oh shit, what am I gonna do with this?!” Funny. The hairdresser looked me dead in my face and said “Oh, hell no. I’m going to braid this up a little because you’re gonna get out of my chair and go somewhere messing in your hair. No.” Clearly, we were on the same wave. She was right. I had no idea what I was doing with my hair but I quickly learned that I had to show my love for my hair. I had to take my time and really try. I developed a whole new love for my hair but most importantly, I developed a new love for myself and others.

I LOVE crowns. My ‘fro is my crown. God blessed me with the most beautiful crown that I’ve ever seen. I look in the mirror on bad days and I shake my hair until I laugh. When I’m washing it, I take my time and put my full attention and effort into getting my crown clean. I rub my scalp with coconut oil. I brush it out until it’s full and huge like a lion’s mane. I smile. I’ve learned to truly love my hair (on dry, scraggly days as well as beautiful lion’s mane days) which taught me to love myself. I take the time to put my full attention and effort into myself.

Here’s what happened:

The lessons that I learned when I was learning to love my hair taught me to love and appreciate others. You’re probably thinking, “How did being self-absorbed teach you to appreciate others?”I feel you. Hear me out, though.

To me, one of the most important facets of self-love is accepting your own imperfections and missteps. The moment you acknowledge your imperfections are a necessary evil that you shouldn’t dwell upon but learn from, is the moment you truly open the door for self-love. When you acknowledge that, you see others differently. Things that used to be unattractive or irritating become vehicles to a deeper understanding. The frustration you used to feel dissipates as you remember that people have bad days, make mistakes, and travel their own paths through a journey that you’ll never experience. They deserve love and compassion-the same love and compassion that we all want as we stumble through life and the challenges that come with it. Love yourself-truly and purely.

 

Photo Credit: Beautaplin IG